I've spent the last week writing to every country in the world in alphabetical order, asking for a job, as their temporary president. I'm on to the Cs now, it turns out that there are many, many countries.
Here is the letter I've sent to the Albanian ambassador to the UK, Zef Mazi:
Embassy Of The Brilliant Republic Of Albania
33 St. George’s Drive
London
SW1V 4DG
7/02/2010
Dear Mr. Zef Mazi
Subject; Leading The Brilliant Republic Of Albania (for two weeks)
I hope you are well Mr Mazi. Before you ask, yes I'm well too.
Did you notice I put the word 'brilliant' in to the name of your country? This would be my first decree in my short stint in charge or The Brilliant Republic Of Albania. But of course I'm getting ahead of myself here, please let me explain.
My name is Alex Voakes, I have been working as a Freelance World Leader for around two weeks. This means that I'm available to run any country in the world nearly all year (I can't do January 23rd, It's somebody's birthday. I can't recall whose it is? Do you know?). So as far as I can tell I'm the most flexible World Leader on earth (time wise, my muscles are very tight).
So my proposition to your great country of The Brilliant Republic Of Albania is that whenever your wonderful leader Bamir Topi wants to have a break (for instance a trip to the zoo), I step in and run the ship (country).
I love The Brilliant Republic Of Albania, I have even written a song to sing on my inauguration, I think the Worldwide television audience is going to love it. It is sung to the tune of Peter Andre's 'Insania', I do hope you like it.
I've had a look around
It was Albania I found
Am I what you need?
Yes, I can satisfy your greed
This is my brilliant regime
I'm following my dreams
I'm the World's best Freelance Leader
CHORUS
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
I lead Albania
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
I love Albania!
I think the performance would only need around 400 traditional Albanian dancers, and perhaps a 500 gun salute. Also, would President Topi be interested in composing a rap to go with the song, it could symbolise the transfer of power (from him, to me).
I have attached my CV which I'm sure will highlight why I am over qualified for this job. If you are worried about my nationality causing a problem, don't worry! I have always lived on a canal boat in International waters so have no Nationality! Another hurdle vaulted!
Thanks in advance
Kind regards
Alex Voakes
