October 1st 2009 was The People's Republic of China's 60th birthday, and they were going to mark the occasion with a great show piece event. The president Hu Jintao had been building up the event on the news for weeks, expectations were high.
It started in the time honoured communist fashion of parading phallic objects through a big square. The crowd naturally went nuts, in the words of George Michael, 'there's nothing like opening a gig with a military hardware showcase'.
They followed this up with some impeccable goose-stepping, a tank dance routine, and an appearance of the London bus that featured at the Olympics last summer. It was an excellent show, but China had something special up its sleeve, and this time it wasn't a phallic object.
The suspense was unbearable as the crowd awaited their president Hu Jintao's appearance, he promised much in the run up to this event, and Hu doesn't like to disappoint. All eyes were fixed on the end of the road, and then there he was, so majestic, torso standing proud out of the sunroof of his car, he was here, and everything was going to be ok.
Hu began to speak, his voice reverberated around the stands, people fell silent.
'I am your leader, Hu, Hu Jintao', said Hu. 'Did you enjoy the military hardware? I thought you would, everyone like missiles shaped like schlongs don't they? Anyway, I, Hu, The Great Hu, am here to tell you all about a incredible operation our leading scientists have conducted on me. You may notice that there is nobody driving this car, that is because I am driving it with my mind, I'm am one with the car, I am the world's first Automotive Centaur'.
The crowd gasped, how could this be possible? Hu knew they would be wondering this, so he explained all.
'Silence humans, your dear Automotive Centaur is speaking again. I did this for you, the humans of China. It was a very painful and expensive operation, but our countries greatest scientists worked day and night to make it possible. I am now completely fused to this automobile, I can even turn on the hazard warning lights with the power of my mind', the crowd were hysterical, never had they felt such love for a car.
Hu continued with his rhetoric as he rolled through Tiananmen Square, there was not a dry eye in the country. Hu had shown such sacrifice to mark the 60th anniversary of his nation, and his people were showing their appreciation.
As Hu neared the end of the route, he brought his speech to a close; 'With me, your great leader, now part car, The People's Republic of China can finally reach its true potential and become the most powerful nation on earth, but first I must get my MOT, so I'll leave you with these spectacular fireworks.'
And with that, Hu Jintao Automotive Centaur was gone. He'll be back though, as long as the traffic is good.
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